denise_bauer ([info]denise_bauer) wrote,
2005-11-19 21:17:00
  • Mood: mischievous
  • Music: "I'm Too Sexy" from Right Said Fred

Too sexy

Hey Brad, there I was perusing the latest issue of People at the checkout counter, you know, their big "Sexiest Man Alive" issue, and guess who they chose as the "Sexiest Lawyer of 2005"?

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  • 56 comments

[info]brad_chase

November 20 2005, 06:15:13 UTC 6 years ago

Dear Lord. Denny Crane. And we just skated by his sexual harassment suit. His publicist is killing us.

[info]denise_bauer

November 20 2005, 06:24:27 UTC 6 years ago

Nope, it wasn't Denny and believe me, it would be no secret. No siree, he would be walking down the halls exclaiming to anyone who would listen, "Denny Crane, Sexiest Lawyer Alive. Denny Crane."

*Grinning* Take another shot.

[info]brad_chase

November 20 2005, 06:46:49 UTC 6 years ago

So help me, if it's Shore I'm buying every copy. What do you say? A ritualistic bonfire or just paper his office with them.

[info]denise_bauer

November 20 2005, 07:04:59 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, I certainly do not underestimate the immense satisfaction you would derive from either acts, but alas, I'm afraid it's not Alan.

*Batting her eyes* Come on, take one more guess.

[info]brad_chase

November 20 2005, 07:11:19 UTC 6 years ago

I dunno, Denise. I'm not equipped to judge if a man is... that. Garrett has decent hair. It's not Paul. Is it Espenson?

[info]denise_bauer

November 20 2005, 07:39:20 UTC 6 years ago

*A bit incredulous. shaking her head* Ok, that's Strike 3, 4 AND 5.

*Placing her hand on his shoulder, sad demeanor* I'm sorry to break this to you Brad.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences. *Smiles broadly*

[info]brad_chase

November 20 2005, 07:47:58 UTC 6 years ago

*quietly*

God. No.

[info]denise_bauer

November 20 2005, 07:52:00 UTC 6 years ago

Oh God yes! If I were you, I would try to avoid Denny today. He will be none too pleased.

[info]brad_chase

November 20 2005, 08:00:45 UTC 6 years ago

This makes no -

I mean, the receptionist put through a call from a reporter from the Massachusetts Law Review, but that was about my article on The Disappearing Civil Jury Trial.

*pauses* It was odd that she asked me if I was sensitive...

[info]denise_bauer

November 20 2005, 08:07:33 UTC 6 years ago

And she didn't ask you "boxers or briefs"?

[info]brad_chase

November 20 2005, 08:14:09 UTC 6 years ago

You're not funny, Denise.

Do I have a case? I can claim damages. *considers* What are my damages, Denise?

[info]denise_bauer

November 20 2005, 08:29:38 UTC 6 years ago

Damages? All I see are the rewards this firm will reap by the increased volume of business brought in by women who will want to retain your "ahem" services.

[info]brad_chase

November 20 2005, 08:40:32 UTC 6 years ago

So you're saying take one for the firm. You're saying it's good business to put glossy pr over solid representation skills. *lecture picking up speed* We should be an example to the legal community. We're above pulling stunts to beef up our coffers, Denise. How would you like it if your ex-husband sent a photograph of you to Playboy, huh? You think you'd be behind that? I don't think so. You'd be hollering Garrett's name so loud they could hear you over in the Hancock Tower.

*under his breath* What did it say? Um. About me.

[info]denise_bauer

November 20 2005, 08:49:10 UTC 6 years ago

Oh relax Brad. First of all, the piece is rather tame and innocuous, very flattering in fact. Second, there are no nude photos of you, much to the chagrin of many women out there... and third, if there was a nude photograph of me in Playboy, no way would I be hollering Garrett's name. In fact, he would be the one buying up all the copies and plastering his cubicle with it.

[info]brad_chase

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...and 22 more comments... from [info]brad_chase, [info]denise_bauer, [info]alan_shore… Expand

[info]alan_shore

November 20 2005, 19:51:33 UTC 6 years ago

*raises eyebrows* You do your own shopping? I assumed you sent Garrett.

[info]denise_bauer

November 21 2005, 06:07:47 UTC 6 years ago

Yes, I do my own shopping, cooking, and cleaning, thank you. How's Melissa by the way? All set for tonight's slumber party?

[info]alan_shore

November 21 2005, 13:30:26 UTC 6 years ago

Do you have a mailing list? Is there an Alan Shore newsletter?

Believe me, if there were any way I could answer "yes" to that without risking the possibility of her quitting, I would.

[info]denise_bauer

November 22 2005, 04:52:36 UTC 6 years ago

But you will easliy find another replacement so I don't see why you are worried. What makes Melissa so special?

[info]alan_shore

November 22 2005, 05:49:30 UTC 6 years ago

For one, she managed to pass an entire night by my side without attempting any form of intercourse. That makes her exceptional.

[info]denise_bauer

November 22 2005, 06:11:51 UTC 6 years ago

Maybe it's girlspeak for "She's not that into you."

[info]alan_shore

November 22 2005, 06:16:29 UTC 6 years ago

Also a rare quality.

[info]denise_bauer

November 22 2005, 06:45:29 UTC 6 years ago

Whatever gets you through the night, until you develop another phobia.

[info]alan_shore

November 22 2005, 06:48:30 UTC 6 years ago

Most people limit themselves to one.

[info]ilookgreat

November 23 2005, 04:18:40 UTC 6 years ago

Denny Crane is offended.

Did they publish Sexiest Senior Partner? Well, I might lose that to Shirley - but certainly not to Poole... the man came to staff meeting without pants. Denny Crane doesn't like that sort of thing. Unless it was Shirley. Nevermind. Regardless, was that a catagory? Of course not. The average person to read People can't handle the sexiness that is Denny Crane. Can you handle it? Didn't think so.

Anonymous

November 26 2005, 05:23:03 UTC 6 years ago

Request for representation

I am Dr. Gripe of "The Daily Gripe" My niece went to law school with Sara Holt. I am in need of representation as I have a legal problem but worse a problem in making an appearance in Court or for Depositions. My niece seems to believe that Ms. Holt and you firm may be suited for my problems as well as future represtation... You see... I refuse to let the public know what my face looks like. I am afraid if being noticed on the street for any reason other than as a neighbor... additionally my annonymity is my trade mark. I have even had to suspend my active web site as a consequence. The result is I am being denied justice because I do not show my real face and because I use my pen name Dr. Gripe. Can you represent me. You can contact me at DrGripe@Yahoo.com or TheDailyGripe@yahoo.com... Thank you for you attention to this message. .. Yes a Ph.D but cannot spell...lol
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